


3, 2, 1-

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe- Reincarnation, Lots of aus in one fic, M/M, Other, Reincarnation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the time gets closer, Jack closes his eyes and he remembers what he always remembers- he remembers each and every universe he’s been forced to live through. (Reincarnation/Respawn Au. All deaths are only mentioned and there's a few offhand mentions of blood but nothing graphic.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	3, 2, 1-

Jack’s got time- yet he’s got no time at all. The counter is ticking down and he knows what will happen when it reaches zero but he honestly can’t find it in himself to care. He’s been waiting a long time for this- ever since Geoff had left. Ever since he’d become the last of the six of them on this world he’d been waiting, he’d been throwing himself into battle after battle hoping to follow them. It’d taken almost a year before something finally got him. Now, as he watches the numbers tick away, he’s glad. He’s so fucking glad because he’s not sure how much longer he could have forced himself to keep trying. As the time gets closer, Jack closes his eyes and he remembers what he always remembers- he remembers each and every universe he’s been forced to live through.

_The earliest one had been in a kingdom. Geoff had ruled as the land’s beloved King, with Jack has his personal bodyguard and Gavin as his manservant. Ryan had been his advisor and Michael was Captain of the Guard. The five of them would hide away from the nobles time after time, curled up in hidden rooms together and wondering what was wrong with them that was making them feel incomplete. Wondering why if they really loved each other they couldn’t keep doing this week after week. Then Ray came. Warned Jack about some asshole with his eyes on Geoff and ended up saving Gavin’s life. He slipped into their life and everything seemed perfect from then on. It was like the six of them had always been waiting to be together, and it was hell the moment everything started to fall apart. Ryan had been spending too much time with an outlawed mage and the magic had corrupted him. They were powerless to do anything but ask why as their trusted and loved advisor tore them apart. He took Geoff away first, Gavin was a bystander causality when he’d tried to leave the royal chambers. Ryan wasted no time in claiming the throne, disposing of Ray and Michael when the two tried to dispute his claim. Jack can’t remember if he rose to fight. What he does know is that he wasn’t the one to take Ryan out because it’d been the new King’s sword through his throat that had first introduced him to the counter._

Multiple chances seem like a gift when you’re first given them. Jack remembers the hope he’d been filled with when he’d been faced with the option to try again. To maybe keep Ryan away from the corruption, to keep them all safe, and to do anything but find himself on the other side of a trusted sword. It was like a granted wish. Or so he thought.

_Except his second chance hadn’t been in the kingdom. Geoff was still the king alright- just in a completely different way as everyone would call him the Godfather. Jack’s been doing personal information gathering and blackmailing forever for him even if he barely remembers joining the mafia. His mind is full of castles, lords, ladies, and flashes of red that blend over into the scenes he walks into daily now. At least now Michael and Gavin are the ones behind weapons instead of being victims. At least now Ray is posted far enough away to be safe from anyone who might overpower them. It all seems fine until Jack finds out that he’d never had a chance to help Ryan. The man had already gone Mad, or so he’d heard, and had landed himself as a target for them. He doesn’t remember how any of them died the second time. What he does remember is Gavin laughing when he’d slipped up and called Geoff “Your Majesty”. Is Ray’s faux complaining when Jack told him to keep the scope off his ass. Is Michael’s warm body pressed next to his after a night almost went deadly wrong. Is the way Ryan’s voice still sounds the same as it did when he was an advisor to the king. Most of all Jack remembers promising Geoff it’d be okay when he leaves to draw Ryan out. He doesn’t get to see Geoff again after that._

The counter is almost a relief at the end, he remembers. Jack has a chance to go away from whatever that was. Has a chance to keep them together. To convince Ryan to stay with them. To hope and pray that whatever point in time he gets sent to that they’ll already be together. It’s a pipe dream but he just wants the boys to be safe and happy. Which is why the next world seems perfect at first.

_He’d met Geoff first again, and he promised to follow him. To always stay with him no matter what because Jack couldn’t face leaving him behind again. He couldn’t deal with the knowledge that Geoff would have to try and face the world again without him because he’d thought he’d stood a chance. So he promised and hoped he’d never have to stick by it while the boys slowly started to become part of their relationship. At least this time they were living together happily and Ryan didn’t need to be persuaded to their side. He was already a coworker, a friend, and shortly thereafter a lover. Then that damn legislation bill had been presented and it was like a wedge had been driven through them. Jack stood by Geoff- he understood what the man meant when this would make them safer. When this would keep everyone together and protected. He just didn’t expect the lads to be so avidly against it. Nor did he actually think Geoff was going to leave them behind to support it. The night before Jack left to follow him, he left a necklace on Gavin- a small pendant with the six of them smiling happily together inside of it. He couldn’t carry it around while knowing they’d be separated for the third time, so he trusted it to Gavin because he was the most likely not to give it back. It’s hard to forget how they died- Ryan’s blood had been everywhere and he’d had to watch almost all of them die in front of him again._

When he met the timer again after that, he’d cursed it. He’d yelled, screamed, cried, and even begged. He wanted to go back. He wanted to fix it. He wanted them to never have split, to never have been wedged apart, to never have died over something so fucking stupid that it felt like some weird dream. Most of all, Jack idly wished they’d never been together in the first place because he couldn’t keep being handed false hope for their happiness.

_When he’s thrust into another life he shares with them all, it’s too much. He draws into himself but doesn’t remove himself because he thinks they’re happy. They seem to be happy with him. At first. Then Jack notices the little signs. He notices the way they draw away from him and his heart breaks all the more. He can’t keep doing this. He just fucking can’t. So he gets his shit together and moves back to his apartment alone. Jack won’t tell them he’s leaving because they won’t notice or won’t care. He just needs time to adjust to not being surrounded by their love like he’d always been. For once, it feels like he gets his happy ending when they come after him. It seems like a perfect world even when he’s being yelled at by Geoff and followed around by Gavin. It feels so fucking hopeful even when they have him on lockdown. Everything’s happy. Everything’s perfect. Then Gavin gets trapped in a fire and everything spirals from there. Jack remembers counting the bubbles in the pool from his released breath and wondering if they were some sort of timer too._

He’s exhausted when the numbers appear in front of him again. He refuses to acknowledge them, choosing to stare directly up instead. Maybe if he closes his eyes he can go back and stop them from walking through that door. Maybe he can keep Gavin from leaving. Maybe he can keep Ray home. Maybe he can stop Ryan from going anywhere alone, maybe he can keep Michael away from dogs. Maybe he can keep them together so Geoff doesn’t fall apart. Maybe one day Jack will die without feeling like he needs to try again.

_This world is the weirdest so far. He’s a guardian? Is that really what they’re called? Jack thinks it’s almost like being in a drunk person’s faery tale when he brings a tree- no, a dryad- home. Geoff gets pissed at him until the human actually meets the fucker and the three of them fall into an easy rhythm until Jack finds Gus and Ryan. That’s when he knows, he just knows, that he needs to find the other two. That he needs to collect them and bring them home where the six of them can live safely and happily together. That’s all he wants. He almost seems to get it but no one can fucking talk to one another and Gavin doesn’t seem to like him much. It takes ages upon ages for the six of them to finally figure it out- and when they do they’re face with a witch who doesn’t even know what blood she’s using. Gavin forgets and Jack’s heart breaks all over again. He doesn’t know why he got his hopes up, but it’s easy to fall into Esther’s fire and make sure he’s not the last again. There’s no way he’d make it through that again._

The numbers are a curse, he’s convinced. No one else remembers them, no one else remembers these adventures, only Jack is forced to live through everything and hope that this time they’ll let him rest. They never do. It’s almost a blessing when he finds out the next world has them playing a game. Maybe they’ll get multiple lives.

_They do, but somehow it’s even worse. It’s horrible to watch Gavin get blindsided by an imp and then get a message from him telling him how lovely Prospit is. It’s even worse to get the message that he’s found Ray’s dreamself but it’s not breathing and see Ray fearlessly face down an ogre. It’s not safe but it’s impossible not to trust him. Jack tries to hide himself away in the safety of his own world but he can’t stay there for long because Geoff needs him and he’s already gotten a weird message from someone calling themselves Matt how fucked up their timeline will be if Geoff doesn’t get those frogs. It’s a knight’s responsibility he’s told before he even knows what they mean. Ryan hits God Tier first and Jack doesn’t want anyone to after that because he’d seen the fucker die. He’d held his hand as he bled out. It doesn’t stop them from going god tier or from making sure he does. They meet their trolls and they’re so laughably unprepared for the entire rest of the game that Jack hates himself for having ever wanted to play. It’s no surprise when they’re defeated and Jack’s numb to death when he finally is allowed to leave that world._

Why? He asks the counter, feeling more defeated than ever. Why? Jack screams, feeling more hollow than ever. Why? He whispers, feeling broken. The numbers don’t answer him. They don’t speak. They don’t give him any acknowledgement and do nothing different than what they’ve always done. Jack wants them to stop, to pause, to answer, to do anything. The numbers do nothing but tick down again.

_The Spartan armor feels heavy but he feels used to the weight, even though he can swear it’s the first he’s worn it. This world only has Ryan and Geoff and it makes Jack cling to them tighter than ever, swearing that he won’t fail them again. That he won’t let them fall again. Then Gavin shows up- a simple AI to help Geoff use his armor enhancements and one that shares his mind. It’s both exciting, terrifying, and heartbreaking because Jack can see the way Geoff cares for Gavin and knows that neither man nor AI can do anything about it. Ryan gets Ray next and Jack’s heart aches while they make jokes only the two of them understand with each other. He goes under and wakes up with Michael who pities him from the moment he first opens his eyes. It hurts, but somehow Jack can’t help but be relieved because finally someone knows. Someone else fucking knows and he’s not alone in remembering every time he’s tried to protect them. Every time he’s held them together. Everytime he’s loved them and failed them. Now Michael remembers but he also remembers being a part of the Alpha and it’s ultimately what tears the AI away from him. Michael joins Ray and Ryan willingly, leaving Jack as the only one who remembers again and he can’t bring himself to fight when Ryan holds a gun to his forehead. It’s not the first time, after all._

The numbers mock him. They stay unchanging while he’s forced to live in world after world where everything changes so he can’t learn. So he can’t help. So Jack can’t do anything but watch the numbers tick down again and pray that he’s got enough left of his shredded heart to make it through.

_This time he’s a God. He’s God of the Harvest and Michael is a devotee to him. Jack watches over his devotee faithfully and makes sure every crop Michael ever grows is plentiful and healthy no matter the conditions of the land because god damn it he wants to make someone he loves happy for once. Michael catches him walking the fields once and he starts actual working on the farm with the man for a while before Gavin visits and warns him. Immortals and Mortals aren’t supposed to be together, he knows. He remembers what happened to Ryan- he’d been the priest of Gavin’s temple and not even the Chaos God could keep him by his side forever. No one blamed Gus, as the Death God was only doing his job, but no one could visit him after that either. Geoff had been the lucky one out of them in this world. As a minor Fertility God, he could walk the Earth without repercussions. He could fall in love with Ray who walked with him and no one would tell him otherwise because they didn’t care. Death doesn’t come to Gods- instead Jack must live eons without the charming farmer he’d tended to, waiting to be forgotten._

The same numbers greet him again. The same countdown, the same amount of time to wait. He’s so used to waiting now, used to watching everything change in the tiniest of ways. Jack doesn’t let himself get worked up again. There’s no point. At least he’ll have a chance to meet them again.

_Jack isn’t alone in this world. Everyone’s literally got their soul? A piece of their soul? He’s not entirely sure, but he’s got a sloth that hangs off his back and understands him. Understands that this isn’t the first time he’s had to meet the boys. Isn’t the first time he’s had to watch them all slowly fall in love. The sloth is called Edme and for a while, she keeps him away from the others. She can’t stand the thought of him getting hurt again and it warms his heart to have someone care that deeply about him, but there’s no way to avoid it. He won’t leave the other five alone- even if there’s no happy end for this world he wants to spend all the time he can with them now. So Edme finally relents and lets him approach Ryan and his fox. Then Geoff with his wolf and Gavin with his damn monkey. Michael with his ocelot and Ray with his black footed ferret. The animals? Spirts? Souls? They get along just as well as the humans do and Jack’s never felt warmer than the time he spent lying in bed, curled in the middle of 12 loving bodies. He has no idea how the others die- he just remembers spending hours upon hours in pain as someone tore Edme from him._

He starts to wonder if the others even die. Do they go through the same thing as him? Do they have to spend time after time watching the same numbers tick away and know that there’s no going back to the world they just left? No fixing their mistakes, no keeping others safe, nothing but the numbers and a restart somewhere fresh to go through the same routine again. Jack hopes not. In fact, for the first time since he’s see the numbers, he prays. He prays that they don’t go through this- that if they do, they don’t remember it. Because no matter how alone he feels, he’d rather they never go through this.

_This time he’s got the power to help. Or, more accurately, he’s got the knowledge of at least six spells that can help bring them back from the brink of death for the millionth time. He uses them what feels like endless on Gavin because the idiot is a terrible ranger who keeps tripping into traps before Ray can disarm them. Even as their main fighter Geoff gets hurt less and Jack just doesn’t understand it. He asks Ryan once how someone can keep doing it, but the sorceror just shares a secretive smile with him and says it’s probably because Gavin knows Jack will fix him up. Michael laughs when he flusters and with their barbarian at his back he feels safe. Safer than he has since he first ever saw the numbers, even if he knows this won’t last either. It’s so easy to get lost in the power he’s given, to overwork himself and push past the limit, begging whatever god will listen to the cleric for just one more spell. Their rogue falls first and Jack doesn’t make it in time to heal him. He’s been stuck behind a damn orc for the last ten minutes. Gavin falls quickly afterwards without Ray at his back. They get Ryan right in front of Michael. The barbarian goes into a rage and they make it through, but there’s only three left now. None of them can talk about it. There wasn’t supposed to be any opposition on this road. There wasn’t supposed to be any orcs or kobolds for at least another three miles. Someone had sold them out. Considering who they’d talked to about their quest, it chilled Jack straight to the bone to think that any of the people he’d usually call family would bring it up. There had to be another explanation. Not that it mattered because they never got it- the orcs had friends. Jack’s last sight had been Michael enraged._

He’s so done with life. Lives. Whatever. He’s done with the extra, done with the counter, done with trying. He doesn’t want to go through this again. Jack doesn’t even look at the numbers because he already has their time memorized. He doesn’t care about when they reach zero. He just doesn’t fucking care.

_Jack isn’t alive. Or, more accurately, he’s not human. There’s no life to be had for an android. A cleaning robot? A caring robot? It doesn’t matter because they find him taking care of skeletons and tease him for not knowing what life is. He runs with it, and this time he doesn’t feel as strongly. Gavin’s a hologram of Michael’s old roommate. Both of them are incompetent at their jobs, but at least Michael’s alive. So’s Ray- but he’s not exactly human either. Descendant of a minx stole away who’s existence had been the reason of Michael’s stay in cryo and why he’s the only one still alive on the Green Rooster. The ship is being handled by Ryan- a computer built into it who definitely is overwhelmed and unable to handle the entire thing by himself. He’s trying at least, and he keeps them out of black holes, so Jack doesn’t bring it up. It takes them years to find Geoff- he’s some sort of space hero who goes by the name Hunter, and for the first time since he’s taken over for the last Geoff he needs help. They only have a few months together before they crash into an alternate time line. Their other selves make it out- they don’t. Or, at least, Michael and Jack don’t._

Michael faces the numbers with him. It hurts because now he knows. He knows he’s not alone in this and somehow that’s even worse than any of the other options. There’s not even a brightside to the idea that they may not remember- after all, Michael doesn’t open his eyes once. He doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move, doesn’t seem to even know what’s going on.

 _They’re raiding. They’re going to beat this damn dungeon if it’s the last thing they do. It’s their second fucking try and Jack is already feeling defeated but he’s not going to give up. Not while they’re trying so hard. They go it and just after they finally get the Spire built, Gavin tries to jump further than he can reach. The waves turn their attention on Ryan now that he’s alone and none of them can get away from their partners long enough to get to him before he’s overwhelmed. There’s no time to mourn before they’re thrust into the next part. They have to keep fighting or they’re going to end up next. The first Oracle appears way to close to Geoff- the man jumps backwards in surprise and his next step dooms him to fall. His cry echoes over the sound of them fighting and Jack stumbles as he holds the relic closer to his chest. He cleanses them all distractedly- but Michael doesn’t make it in time. The Ritual of Negation claims him just as Jack is able to cleanse again. He knows that Ray is still there but he kind of gives up. A Pretorian gets him and he watches as the portal to Mars closes behind Ray. They weren’t ready. They just weren’t ready_.

The numbers don’t care how ready he is. They don’t care how many times he’s been through this already. They don’t care about anything but starting at the same point and counting down to zero at the same pace.

_The boys aren’t in the new world. He’s alone. Jack is as alone as he usually is when he faces the damn timer. All he has is an empty house and a weekly visit from Joel. It’s nice to have a friend to talk to so he’s not completely isolated, but they’re not as close as they had once been. Mostly Joel just hands him more paints, new brushes, and fresh canvases. Asks him if he’s named the men in the paintings yet. He always says no. Jack wants to name them, he wants to scream to the sky who each of them are and how important the five faces he paints are. But he can’t. Because they don’t exist in this world and there’s no point in making them suffer a connection to it. So he paints the ones he should be by, day after day after day. He tries to capture their laughter, their care, their warmth, their love as best he can. Some of them he gives to Joel to get rid of. Jack doesn’t care what happens to the paintings, they’re just images of people he’ll never see again. He’s not sure if he’s lucky or not that they don’t exist here. That he’s left here with nothing but another painting with eyes that will follow him through out the entire house. Jack leaves this world with red sprayed across his chest and wonders if he looks as painted as the boys do._

The numbers look like they’ve come right off a digital alarm clock, Jack notices idly as he waits. He’s honestly not sure if the last world was better than the others. He’s not sure if he wants the boys to be there. He misses them, of course, but he wants them to be safe and they only seem to die around him. In the end, as the timer ticks away from three, Jack hopes they’ll be there. He wants to love them, even if it’s selfish of him.

_They’re there. They’re all there and he’s glad but not all at once. It’s another world of Kings. More knights, more magic, more wars, more court drama he could go eons without having to deal with again. At least the weight of being king isn’t weighing on Geoff this time. They’re even all on the same side- King Haywood’s side. Now if only they had been on his side when he was still a Good and Beloved king of a Pure land. Instead, now the five of them stood by and supported him while his land grew more and more corrupted by the Taint that had taken over the south. Jack doesn’t fight. He doesn’t bother to try to convince them to rise up against Ryan. Michael does but Jack doesn’t want to kill any of them. He doesn’t want to separate them. He doesn’t want to face the numbers again, so he keeps them as stable as he can until Michael’s finally had enough of Ryan taking advantage of them and uprises. What follows is a bloody mess and no one gets out of it scott free. Neither Michael nor Ryan makes it long enough to keep a claim on the throne. In the end, Gavin takes the throne and tries to fix the land but they’re all broken. They’re not the same adventurers they’d once been and they’re not ready for another ruler among them. Jack remembers taking the chemist aside and begging him for something to help. Anything to make the pain in his leg from taking a swing from Geoff to protect Ryan away. The chemist had over measured._

He feels numb when the blue surrounds him again. The numbers tick away and he wonders if the ache from his right knee will follow him. Probably not. Nothing else ever does. Jack closes his eyes and tries to nap as the numbers count down, he doesn’t actually get to sleep but he does avoid watching the zeros blink in front of him.

_Opening his eyes reveals a pirate ship he couldn’t be more happy to see. Here may not be safe but at least it was his. Captain Pattillo of the Achieving Pirates has nothing to fear. Not for his crew, not for the kingdoms, not for anything because the seas are always welcoming to him. They’re there for him and his crew, giving them a home where no one will bother him. That’s the dream, that’s the life, and that’s what drives him to keep the tale of RedBeard the Infernal alive. Burn down what’s left behind so it can never follow him. He’s good at cutting ties. Right until they’re captured and Ryan doesn’t make it out with the rest of them. He can’t burn a town crew is in. He can’t leave behind crew. So he caves. he turns himself in for Ryan’s freedom and sends them off on their own. Jack spends three days in the dungeons, begging the boys each time they visit to burn down the town. To leave him behind and go back to the seas where no one could hurt them. No one knows their faces- no one knows who they are- they all only know Jack by his beard. They could get away. They could be free and safe. They don’t listen. On the fourth day after capture he steps into a noose and closes his eyes to hear the sound of the boys trying to rescue him. They don’t make it on time._

It’s horrible to be the first. It’s heart wrenching to be the last. Being somewhere in the middle just makes him torn between hoping the rest made it and hoping they didn’t so they can rejoin him. Jack tries to physically stop the numbers this time, trying to push them up. Trying to get rid of them. They don’t move at his touch. His hand goes right through them and they keep ticking down, just like they always do.

_They’re alive. The six of them are alive, they’re together, and they’re scared as fuck because none of them are safe. No where is safe enough, no where is far enough, and no where has enough food or ammo. No where can keep those things… Those monsters who had once been people away. They keep pushing themselves further. Jack can’t stop them, can only support them as they all push themselves into walking until exhaustion and then push a bit further. They rarely stop- only do so when they can find a clear shelter they don’t have to clean up or when they need to get out of the weather. Ray’s sick. Michael’s losing weight. Gavin keeps passing out during the day. Ryan is overwhelmed mentally and physically from carrying Gavin. Jack’s never been more tired. Worst of all, Geoff is bit. They don’t have a lot of time but none of them can pull a gun on him. None of them want to. They all want to believe that if they wait just a little longer, press on a little further, fight a little harder, that Geoff will somehow magically not turn and they’ll make it out of this alive. They don’t. Geoff turns during one of their stops. He manages to bite both Gavin and Ryan before Michael finally puts him down, and Ray makes sure that there’s no chance the other two will turn. The three of them left press on for a week before Ray’s sickness over takes him. Michael is inconsolable and wouldn’t have even eaten if Jack hadn’t practically been shoving food down his throat. Jack gets bit on a food run and doesn’t make it back._

The numbers won’t tell him what happened to Michael. They won’t tell him if he died, if he’s waiting for a timer too, if he managed to at least get away. They won’t tell him anything because they have no answers, they have no personality. All the have is a blue light that he figures is supposed to be calming. It’s not.

_There’s gigantic fucking titans crashing through the outer walls and the lads want to join the Survey Corps. That’s the new world Jack is in and he hates it. He’s had enough of struggling to survive. Yet here he is again, in the best shape he’s ever been because he’d be dead otherwise. He’s part of Geoff’s team and they’re doing their best to get the lads to join the Military Police because it’s not safe. It doesn’t matter how much skill Ray has. It doesn’t matter how fast Michael is. It doesn’t matter what ability Gavin has or what immunity to titan’s heat- they’re not safe if they go outside the walls. The gents try their best, they do everything they can but in the end it’s Burnie who lets them choose where to go. They can’t keep them away. It only takes two missions for everything to just go so wrong because a Colossal titan grabs Michael and Gavin changes before he should. Ray can’t get the cut fast enough, Ryan can’t get them out fast enough, and Jack can’t reach Geoff’s hand._

All he wants is a break. He wants some time to stay in the suspended blue area where no one ever dies. Where he may be alone, but at least he’s not indirectly or directly responsible for the deaths of those he loves. He can’t keep going through this, he can’t keep remembering everything like this. It’s breaking him. The numbers don’t care.

_This new world is one of the weirdest so far- he’s face to face with a six year old Ryan. He knows it’s Ryan- he shouldn’t be sure, but there’s no question that the crying kid in front of him is their mad man. It doesn’t take any thought to get down next to him and try to comfort him. If he could, he’d make the kid pay for making Ryan cry but…He’s not exactly there. The five of them are there and aren’t there because these apparitions aren’t really them. More like an extension of their selves. He struggles through three weeks, spending all the time he can with Ryan when the connection will let him until the teen starts to ignore them. Starts to block them out and demand they don’t exist. It stings, but Ryan needs to do it. Jack understands. Just like he understands when Ryan comes to work for Achievement Hunter and looks like he’s staring at imaginary beings. Jack himself had gotten the same look- these men had been with him not only for all of this life but all of others too. He’s blocked out how any of them died in this world, he just wants to remember the way Ryan smiled the first time Geoff held his hand. How Gavin laughed behind his hand when Jack threw fries at him, how Michael relaxed that much more when Ray leaned against his side._

All Jack wants to remember is them happy together. Maybe that’s why the timer hurts so much every time. It’s a sign they’ve been cut off again. That their happiness has been risked again, been torn away again, been forgotten again. Only Jack remembers them being together, because only he seems to remember the numbers. It’s hard to have to reform the same relationship over and over and over again.

_He’d still take trying to guide them into it over them being video game characters. He’d always take the option of being with all of them together instead of having to choose one of the five on a path. He can’t have them all. He’s tried every cheat, every option, every hidden easter egg he can find. Jack has to play the game over and over and over again just to see the five men he’s in love with and can’t bring himself to stop. They’re just dating sim characters. They’re just characters in a game that he’s not the only player of. Their answers are scripted, their words are faked, and while they’ve got some of their personality still there they’re not his boys. They’re different. Mechanical. Empty. Wrong. It doesn’t stop him from becoming addicted to the game and spending hour after hour on it. Eventually it’s a glitch that takes them out. It crashes his computer and wipes the game from his hard drive. There’s no copies of it anywhere. Jack’s lost them and all he can do is slouch in his chair. A heart attack takes him, but he doesn’t really care. This world lost it’s worth the moment they were taken away from him._

Jack slowly has come to accept the timer. It’s not in charge of this. It’s not responsible for this. It’s just like him- trapped in a never ending cycle of constantly being doomed to repeat the same routine no matter the outcome or the world. He almost feels jealous of it- at least it doesn’t have to keep losing love.

_They’re in a tournament. They’re tricked by a thunder god, protector of the Earth, and drawn into a tournament none of them have actually trained for. They’re Earth’s Best Warriors. Earth’s last hope. They’ve got to fight in Mortal Kombat or their world will fall to Shao Kahn. Jack refuses to get close to them this time. He can see the way they’re falling for one another. The way the other five are growing closer with each won fight, with each terrifying day spent on an island where everyone else is out for their blood. Jack doesn’t really speak with them. Doesn’t go to them after a won fight. Instead he draws away and tries to find a way to get them out. Something to disqualify them without forfeiting the Earth. There’s nothing he finds but a Lin Kuei member who isn’t too fond of his digging. He barely beats him and returns to the main camp ragged with nothing to show for his work but the pitying looks of a Thunder God who has no idea what the fuck he’s going through. When he’s finally got a solid lead on something that may get them out, Ray loses to Baraka. Jack throws his next fight after giving the information to Ryan. One of the remaining boys will figure out what to do with it, he just can’t keep fighting. Not anymore._

That’s all he seems to find lately. Fighting upon fighting upon fighting. Maybe who ever is behind this is trying to get Jack to give up. To accept that he’s pretty much fucking useless no matter what. He refuses. For the first time since he’s faced respawn, Jack’s ready. He’s not going to give up. Not again.

_Being in a shadow cast is interesting to say the least. Being in a corset and performing high kicks in fishnets that manage not to fall is an experience. It’s even better when he gets to do it next to Geoff, Michael, Ryan, and watch Ray scoot around on a wheelchair in front of them. He recognizes Gavin in the crowd but doesn’t try to convince him to join cast. Doesn’t do anything but joke with him before the show and hang out with him at IHop afterwards. When he leaves, Jack expects to see him maybe once a month at the show. He doesn’t expect Gavin to stalk them out on Facebook and start sending them awkward messages. It’s cute in a way, but it’s also a bit creepy. Jack should be uncomfortable but he can’t find it in himself to be because it’s Gavin. It’s almost the same way Gavin got himself into Geoff’s house a few respawns back and the memory feels bittersweet. The other four alternate between whining and making jokes about their newest fan to Jack and he tries his best to keep them all calm. After all, he’s not hurting anyone and he’s not being rude. He’s just trying to be friendly and Jack can appreciate that. He sits next to Gavin for the majority of next show until floorshow comes up again. He’ll never tire of the sight of any of them in the black fitted corsets._

When the numbers wash over him, Jack greets them as an old friend. He waves to them before feeling silly and relaxes, counting down with them. The numbers are the only constants he really has left, so he tries his best to take comfort in them. They don’t give much.

_There’s a tablet in front of him and he’s got limited power. Four animatronics that are roaming freely, reek of blood, and are likely possessed. It’s easy to take care of them the first night. Michael only ever comes up the left hallway, Ryan only ever visits the right, Ray only really moves when the power is out, and Gavin tends to stick behind his curtain. Geoff has to be somewhere, Jack’s sure, but he’s yet to find him. There’s no time to find him when he’s more worried about whether or not he’ll make it through the rest of the second night. It’s on the third night Geoff finally makes his appearance. Jack could swear that one of the posters on the wall changed and when he put his tablet down, there was a slumped over animatronic. At first, he thinks it’s Ray and readies himself to greet the counter again. After a few calm moments he realizes he’s not about to die. “It’s me” Jack hears whispered in his ear, and it makes him realize that the animatronic is different- it’s gold and it’s not moving on it’s own. In fact, he’s not entirely sure it’s there. While he’s stuck trying to figure out how to handle the new visitor, Gavin gets upset at the lack of attention. The sound of mechanical feet slapping the floor barely even register. He manages to get the door slammed shut in time but Gavin isn’t leaving. He’s banging against it and Jack can hear Ray’s humming coming up from the tablet. Must have been left on the kitchen. It’s not his worry. His worry is that groan that has to be Ryan’s because the left door is closed and Geoff’s disappeared._

There’s no feeling of betrayal even though he thinks there probably should be. One of the boys is responsible for him being sent back to this same damn place where the numbers are always counting down. Where the blue feels like he’s swimming in a clear ocean with no end. Jack can’t feel betrayed because he knew it was coming. He knew that they were going to go after him- he didn’t fit in. Just like he didn’t fit in with them after having been here even once. There’s another world he’s sent to but he’s blocked it out. He doesn’t want to remember being the last one. He doesn’t want to remember falling apart at the seams because he’d been torn away from the boys again. So now he waits. Jack watches the timer and waits.

“Jack!” Gavin’s shrill voice interrupts his quiet counting and he turns in surprise.

“Jesus fucking christ, you found him?!” Michael’s voice follows shortly after, sounding both hopeful and drowned in disbelief.

“Holy shit, it’s really Jack.” Ray whispers quietly and Jack can see them now- the five coming closer to him.

“Oh thank god.” Geoff says quietly, his shoulders visibly sagging with relief. “I thought we’d really lost you that time.”

“Are you okay?” Ryan asks and Jack finds himself nodding. The blue is gone. The counter’s gone.

“I’m fine. Just got a little lost in memories.” Jack says, easily accepting the lads into his arms. “Sorry I worried you.”

“You fucking should be, we spent three hours looking for you!” Michael says directly in his ear.

“You owe us dinner and some major cuddling asshole.” Geoff says, taking Jack’s hand into his own like he’s worried the other will disappear if he’s not holding onto him.

“I can do that. Let’s go, I’m ready to get out of here.” Jack responds, and they leave without looking behind him. Maybe this is just another new world. Maybe this is just another chance for him to get things right and keeps his boys by his side just a little longer. Maybe it’s some divine punishment, maybe it’s someone playing some elaborate joke on him. Jack doesn’t care. It doesn’t really matter.

“We were waiting for you forever, you better stay with us this time.” It doesn’t matter because even if he respawns again, he’ll remember them.


End file.
